Feel The Burn

A few weeks ago I got in some trouble. Actually a lot of trouble. But no more trouble than normal. Just let me finish!

We had church friends over for a picnic, Memorial Day. Lots of water, two pools, a water slide, etc.

The sun was just beginning to set when Little Lion asked me if he could take his shirt off. I sad no, he said why. I told him he just needed to obey. He stated that his friend had taken his shirt off to swim!

Now I could have launched in the diatribe about if his friend jumped off a cliff, would he, but the kid's five, so I took it easy on him.

I told him that if he took his shirt off he'd be at risk for pre-juvenile melanoma. He asked the same question many of you are now asking; "What's melanoma?". Now I could have launched into a diatribe of solar rays, the wave vs. particle theory of light, and Schroedinger's cat, but I took it easy on the kid.

I told him it was kind of like carcinoma, only on his skin. He asked the same question many of you are now asking; "What's carcinoma?". Now I could have launched into a diatribe of tar content of tobacco, addictions to nicotine, and the contribution of cigarette filters to global pollution, but I took it easy on the kid.

I told him it was kind of like melanoma, only in his lungs. He asked the same question many of you are now asking; "What's melanoma?" Scrub, rinse, repeat; scrub, rinse, repeat.

Little Lion finally broke down and said "But daddy, if I don't what it looks like, how will I know if I have that disease?" in near tears. Now I could have launched into a diatribe of pre-cancerous cells, moles and liver spots that change color, but I took it easy on the kid.

I told him he would get black spots on his skin. He said O.K. and went off to talk to someone else. I smiled in my victory, assuming that I had enlightened my first born and returned to my now lukewarm homemade ice cream.

That's just about the time mommy lion found me! She asked me what I had told little lion. I rattled off a few things "always buckle your seat belt?" "Don't talk to strangers?" "Every boy needs a good rake?" None of those worked and she was still standing there!

It turns out that Little Lion had gone directly to his friend, proclaiming with a confidence that I'm not quite sure the origins of, that his friend was in fact going to die from something-oma because he had taken his shirt off. The friend, of course, ran immediately to his mother proclaiming in full tears that he had to get his shirt back on FAST before the black spots came and he got that "disease".

You see where this is going right, like the unravelling of a finely crafted novel. Mommy A, asked friend/son A where said disease rumor had originated. Friend A rats out first born son B. Mother A sees father B violently slurping lukewarm ice cream, and goes to the source of the whole issue....Mother B. Mother B realizes exactly what has just transpired, and without regard to Father B's lukewarm ice cream bliss, begins to ask questions she of course already knows the answers to.

Here's the good part, Fathers A, C, D, E, F, & G all congratulate Father B on his finely crafted oration with high five's and knowing glances of approval!

I know it seems like this should be done by now, but I must leave with two pictures of my son from today, taken just a few minutes ago! Guess who was playing outside in the pool friend A at the home of Mommy A without a shirt!

I may be driving my child to alcoholism, but he's riding his own bike to melanoma!